Man, I'm stoked. Just when I think my heart can't take the pain, life deals me this wierd ever so time stopping moment. I was in a chat and one of the women said, go to Google.com and type in your name. I typed in Lana Wolfe and Chelle Stockman. Oh my gosh! So fricken cool. I had 15 minutes of fame. LOL
Okay, I officially declare this a NO TEAR Day. No crying allowed.
Ever get the feeling you were talking to someone you had been talking to off an on say for five or six years? There are several people that fit that bill with me. Odd that someone revisits you, well, he revisited me.
Perhaps this time around he won't be so critical of me. He seems to be enjoying the conversation and showing me patience, something he refused to do back then.
To him I would say, kindness begets kindness ;and be grateful that he is at least experimenting with that philosophy. But I've learned, not everyone is liked by all.
Today was good, afterall. So many things to ponder and I pondered as many as I could lest I be plundered with desire to ponder. heh heh heh --no I didn't smoke!
Sun was out playing dodge cloud. The newer vineyards behind me, the canyon at my side, birds as company, well it was very nearly heaven. I glanced out to fight some pain, then leaned on the back of my chair pondering evolution as something some say opposes creationism and pondering how I've evolved under the forces of creation. The new vineyard in the distance had what could have been a huge bird dance over its terrain. It wasn't a bird, no. It was the shadow of a plane coming in for landing. Beauty has many pictures.
It was partly the comment about, "its all about you,"; partly the comment about, "you taking some pill?"; these cheap shots got me to thinking that all the elegance I saw between us was an invention of my mind and my heart.
I'm merely a file of pics on some dudes discs. When he thinks about it, he can peruse till he gets to mine and jackoff. Great. That's always what I wanted to be in life. Just great.
I was asked if I'd ever be friends with him. Nope. With him, it was lover or nothing. Nothing it is. At least I had something to imagine. Back to reality. I learned that the cheap is costly.
Children say, "What if..? and it opens the doors to unlimited possibilities. When they say it I'm filled with hope and anticipation that faith really is going to move mountains.
When an adult says, "What if...?" all doors close. It's more about doubt and fear, the very opposite of children. It may be experience that leads to this, but its not for the better.
Experience is merely that. New horizons are ahead of us every new moment. To live in the moment is to respect the future promises. There is magic, faith if you will, in that kind of thinking. Fear is the enemy of magic. It says,"you can't do that, you only think you can." Pretty soon after, you don't believe you can and quit thinking you could then whenever anyone else tries to do what you quit thinking about doing, you say to them, "What if...?
That my friends is sin. Repent of this thinking. Make "What if" your motto before you try something like writing a song. What if I write that song, and Fiona Apple sings it?? What if my song makes a singer use her voice to its fullest and she gets a grammy? What if everything is possible? Selah
