Sunday around noon.

The ravens and hawks were at a standstill over a huge pine tree across the street.  Seems the ravens have been using it for a home and weren't willing to leave it.  A couple of hawks thought different. I loved watching them as they issued their warnings, began the negotiation process, and grew restless.  I would have loved to stick around and see the outcome but I had to leave for work.  Yes, I know.  It is Sunday.  Sunday the splendid comes out.  I'll observe this splendid thing, this Sunday.

Its after noon now and I've enjoyed my day so far. I blogged under another name and played with strangers.  I found them to be human.  :)

Even later:  What?  Am I supposed to pretend I don't care?...that you don't matter? 

Hour or so before midnight:  watched the sunset and drank some hypnotic with Lawita.  A beautiful night it is.  Now, maybe I can talk with some friends.  BTW, I miss you. 

Simple beauty

When I look out my window and see the birds go about their routine, I'm filled with awe.  The only thing I'd do different is to ask God to make the trees lower.  It would be easier to trim them and then the birds would be closer to me.  I'd really like that.

I was so fucking depressed that I called a friend for adult conversation.  He quickly pointed out that adults are over rated.  I told him my "its all about me" story.  He reminded me that people who throw that stone are really saying its all about them.  As we mused I recalled a time when I asked him to try and paint his emotion.  He said, "Soon as I figure out how to paint numbess."  I told him tonight, " Yeah, its kinda like trying to write it." 

Suddenly we fit numbness into another equasion.  It is when it becomes more important to "me".  I could write it.  He could paint it.  Then there is always that.  I could write that, and he, paint that.  Suddenly we saw the humor in life without the use of I, me or myself.

Can one write personally of personal things without referring to himself or herself?  Hm.  'They thought about It all day and came to an assumption about All.  They did It and All That meant was His destiny choked All That and Some of This. 

I suppose talking about that, this, all that, and it can be fun to practice, but I'll do the living in My life and I matter to Me because when I'm done in life, I'll respect Myself ( I, 'yes i did say I',hope.)

So my friend and I revisited the adult thing because it hit me how totally adult like I have become in such a short time.   He said, "Don't be an adult.  It leads to depression."  

Suddenly it was about me again.  I am an adult. 

 

The 50's

There was the 20's, 30's,and 40's.  There was the 60's, 70's, 80's, and 90's.  So what the hell was the 50's all about? It was a time of illusion where everything was sparking clean, spit shined even.  I thought for some odd reason, "so lilly white".

Him again

Dorthy Parker said, "Search a lover and find a foe."  I never understood what that meant before today.  But I know, with the love of my heart as my enemy, I would do it all again. Kierkegaard said, "To cheat one's self out of love is the greatest deception of which there is no reparation in either time or eternity."  He, I always understood.

All I have to show for him putting it all on red are my empty darkened thoughts.  He does things like that.

On My Mind

I worry for you as I do for myself and not just you, but them, too.  I worry for us all equally because I hope for God's will in our life.  I hope He doesn't stop thinking of us.  I hope for His protection and strength.  As humans go, its not about being right or wrong.  Its about His will.

The Eyes are Watching You!

Look out world!   I may be watching.   Oh, yes.  I just got my camera!  Woohoooooo.  heh heh heh