Teaching a more lasting lesson.

Since May 17th, I've been working on what I've come to define as the "inevitable".  It has been the most gut wrenching heart breaking thing I've done.  This last week, I had begun to come to terms with the ultimate direction I must travel.  I'm going North while the other half of my heart is going South.  It is as it should be. In truth, I was convinced he wanted less of a hassle.  I mean, I'm not there physically for him nor he for me.  We made no plans for our future because we aren't free to do such a thing. I told him the last time he hung up on me that should he ever do it again, that will be our signal that it is time for him to do what must be done. 

Today, five weeks later, he decides to phone me.  I don't get it.  Truly where the heart matters all logic must depart.  Thats all I can make of it.  I know I'll never see this soul again and I do miss him.  In time, that will lessen, I'm told.

He, like my husband, has different rules for himself than he does for me.  He can spit and spat and say insensitive things, but he has always appeared to expect me to have a more patient nurturing demeanor.  Well, I am not like that in the least.  I choose when I'll be patient and who is the recipient of my patience.  I lost patience with his double standard and he says that I called him my enemy.  I'll take his word for it because the enemy thing is sooo online and I was once steeped in that crap; but note, because of his absence in my life, I don't play online in the manner I once did and all the antics have changed for me.  

To love as I have loved him and to be loved as he loved me, that was by far the thing most worth living for.  I'll die a much richer woman having known him.  

Thank you my love for touching me along the way.